Important Things To Know
THE STUDENT IS A MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY
- Do not treat the student like a guest, no matter how tempted you are.
- Encourage the student to come to you with any issues or concerns first so that you have a chance to help them solve problems.
- Provide an atmosphere of openness so that a question is welcomed and responded to in your home.
- Communicate plans in advance so that the student can make plans as well. This especially helps if you have set plans for holidays.
- Periodically ask how the student is adjusting to the home and the family.
MAKING FRIENDS
- DO NOT EXPECT THAT AN INSTANT FRIENDSHIP WILL DEVELOP BETWEEN YOUR TEEN AND THE STUDENT.
- Encourage the student to speak English and make American friends.
- Encourage the student to join clubs and attend youth groups if you go to church.
- Meet their friends as you would with your own children. Invite them to your home to get to know them.
- Encourage the student to start a journal or picture documentation of their time in the U.S.
CHANGING FAMILIES
- ISE will work to counsel you and the student through issues.
- We strongly encourage both families and students to work through their problems FIRST.
- Talk to the student about what you are feeling.
- If you are not making changes, speak with your Area Representative.
- If you must ask the student to change families, please allow the Area Representative time to find the right family.
- ONLY THE NY OFFICE CAN MAKE THE DECISION TO SEND THE STUDENT HOME.
- If a new home is deemed best, ISE will look to replace the student in the same school district.
Student Adjustment Cycle
1. Arrival and First Days
- The Host Family Feels:
- Excited about the new experience.
- Pleased to be showing the student everything.
- That their privacy may change.
- Anxious about another teenager in the house and what that means.
- The Host Family Should: SHOCK
- Communicate early and often with the student.
- Try not to overwhelm them with too much the first few days.
- Encourage the student to ask questions and use their dictionary.
- SPEAK SLOWLY!!
2. Glory Days
- The Host Family Feels:
- That everything is going so well.
- That the student needs to make different/ more friends.
- That the student is doing so well ...everything is perfect. (this is called the halo effect ).
- You want to be the student on a pedestal...it is too easy to fall off.
- The Host Family Should:
- Encourage the student to join clubs and activities.
- Arrange for activities to meet the student's friends.
- Talk to the student about his/her friends and cultural experiences and differences.
- Avoid putting the student on a pedestal...it is too easy to fall off.
3. Culture Shock
- The Host Family Feels:
- Hosting as a novelty is wearing off.
- Children may resent the exchange student.
- This may be different from the experience they anticipated.
- That the student is spending too much time by themselves, on the phone, or computer.
- The Host Family Should:
- Encourage the student to join clubs and activities.
- Talk to the student about his/her friends and cultural experiences and differences.
- Talk to the student about what the family feels.
- Talk to the Representative- he/she can help.
- Talk to the student about his/her feelings.
4. Feeling Dissatisfaction
- The Host Family Feels:
- Halo effect is gone.
- The student and the exchange experience is seen more in the light of day to day behaviors.
- Frustration at the "little things."
- The Host Family Should:
- Watch for unresolved conflicts that could lead to more problems.
- Address concerns with each other as soon as possible.
- Contact your Area Representative with any concerns.
5. Making Adjustments
- The Host Family feels:
- Less responsible for the student's comings and goings.
- Like the student is more independent but still a part of the family.
- The Host Family Should:
- Encourage the student to meet new people and try new activities.
6. Feeling Accepted
- The Host Family Feels:
- That the student is relaxed with the family and is able to tease and joke with them.
- The Host Family Should:
- Help the student find ways to remember the exchange experience (scrapbooks, photo albums, etc.)
- Encourage their student to write letters, if appropriate, to the newspapers to thank the community and school for their experience.
- Look for the student to become more social during this time.
7. Return Anxiety
- The Host Family Feels:
- Anxious about sending the student back home to his/her home country.
- Uncertain whether the student will remember the family upon his/her return home.
- An urge to "capture" every moment left with the student before they leave.
- Jealous of the time others demand of the student away from the family.
- Sad because they will miss the student when the student leaves.
- The Host Family Should:
- Set aside time to talk about all of the student's feelings.
- Assure the student that all of the feelings are normal in this situation.
- Reassure the student that leaving does not mean "goodbye."
- Plan out your future communications with your student.
- Call your Area Representative and talk about it.
